How I DIDN'T Do It

June 30, 1971

 So ends another day, with Thomas screaming himself to sleep, Ned and Paul in tears because they were spanked, Jeri sucking her fingers, and me sitting here wondering what in the hell I'm doing in the mother racket anyway.

 We brought guests home with us from nursery school--Tim, Jenny, and Alea. They were shortly joined by Hilary, Sandra, Mia and Ari and I found myself operating a soda fountain for 10, none of whom were satisfied with only a chocolate milkshake and a "Granny Goosesicle."

While the yard was full, we only suffered one cut lip from falling off the playhouse (Hilary) and one bloody nose of undetermined origin (Mia). The wounded and friends went home, leaving only Jenny, Tim, Alea, Jeri and Ned (Paul and Tom by this time were napping).

Te came to pick up Alea and the kids played in her VW bus while the two of us chatted. They all stripped down to the altogether and Tim used the front yard for a bathroom, depositing a very large poopie on the path.

 Got Te and Alea off and the nudes dressed, Tim in Ned's clothes because he had wet his pants. They went outside to play and decided to turn the yard into a swimming pool. Mud everywhere, and Jenny's new shoes right in the middle of a very large puddle. I yelled a lot, brought them all inside. Then I made a phone call. While I was on the phone, Tim must have decided to build a waterfall of 3 tiers, starting at Jeri's bed, cascading down over the table and splashing onto the floor--possibly onto Thomas' head. When I found them, they were all dripping and Tom looked like he had just received a complete immersion. The floor, already covered in artwork from earlier in the day, was now a mess of papier mache, Jeri's bed was soaked. I blew up and sent Tim home in disgrace, with the promise that he could not come back "for a very long time."

 Ned and I cleaned up the room, with some help from Jeri and hinderance from Paul and Tom. Then we had a simple dinner. Walt went off to Tiny Tots to pick his share of weeds, Thomas went to sleep with a minimum amount of crying, the filthy kids were put in the bathtub. Then Paul and Ned decided to play dodgeball or something, which not only set the bathroom awash, but also woke Tom up, finished me off, and brought us to this marvelous end of the day.

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